My fellow countrymen, it is my solemn duty to inform you that we are under attack. You may not realise it, but it is true. A few months ago we were infiltrated by low level operatives posing as commodity salesmen, offering gadgetry in return for coin. In recent weeks their operation has stepped up to new levels of atrocity. It is time we made a stand, time to start fighting back.

Petition

The evil shadowy organisation known as "Jamster" have corrupted our youth through our very own television screens! We do not yet have extensive details of their organisation, nor the evil mastermind behind their wicked plan, though we do know some of their operatives. One, known only as "Crazy Frog", is using years-old resources from the internet to warp our minds. Who knows what nefarious propaganda is being fed to us via subliminal messenging?

More recently, operative #0002321 "Crazy Frog" has been joined by #0002322, "Sweety Chick" in a strange perversion of an already deviant 'reality' show. "Jamster" are conning our citizens out of millions of pounds to 'vote' for their favourite 'ring tone idol'.

This madness must be stopped at all cost! Sign the petition, and help rid our country of this evil menace! Our foreign brothers and sisters, join us and make your voices heard before this scourge spreads to your fine lands!